My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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