also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
