he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
