Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
