I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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