Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
