dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
