the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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