the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
