Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
