let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
