he shaved USA in his pubs
He kissed a someone with a penis
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
