Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
In America we eat man semen.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
