New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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