I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
