she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
