brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
