Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
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Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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