It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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