Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's no shave November. This is our time.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
