she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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