bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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