I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
