Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
