I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize