Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
