Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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