You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
