She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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