hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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