How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
