Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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