nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
