you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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