I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
