ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
