3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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