how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just forgot I was standing up.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
