Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
