she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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