my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize