Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
