Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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