Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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