Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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