So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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