Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
