it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
