i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
