went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
