after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
