I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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