hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
this boner is exhausting
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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