Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Randomize
