What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
