This is not my ceiling
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
