saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
