So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
