I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize