Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
