Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I enjoy the company of your penis
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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