i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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