He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
