actually, I'm a sock model
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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