I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
