I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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