Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
