I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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