I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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