I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
