dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
