I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think I died a long time ago.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
