I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize