i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
