just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
