i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize