I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
