remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
