Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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