eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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