3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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