we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
